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Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy Hardcover – Illustrated, April 24, 2017

by Sheryl Sandberg (Author), Adam Grant (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 7,868 ratings
Goodreads Choice Award nominee
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#1 NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER • From authors of Lean In and Originals: a powerful, inspiring, and practical book about building resilience and moving forward after life’s inevitable setbacks
 
After the sudden death of her husband, Sheryl Sandberg felt certain that she and her children would never feel pure joy again. “I was in ‘the void,’” she writes, “a vast emptiness that fills your heart and lungs and restricts your ability to think or even breathe.” Her friend Adam Grant, a psychologist at Wharton, told her there are concrete steps people can take to recover and rebound from life-shattering experiences. We are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. It is a muscle that everyone can build.

Option B combines Sheryl’s personal insights with Adam’s eye-opening research on finding strength in the face of adversity. Beginning with the gut-wrenching moment when she finds her husband, Dave Goldberg, collapsed on a gym floor, Sheryl opens up her heart—and her journal—to describe the acute grief and isolation she felt in the wake of his death. But Option B goes beyond Sheryl’s loss to explore how a broad range of people have overcome hardships including illness, job loss, sexual assault, natural disasters, and the violence of war. Their stories reveal the capacity of the human spirit to persevere . . . and to rediscover joy.

Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. Even after the most devastating events, it is possible to grow by finding deeper meaning and gaining greater appreciation in our lives. Option B illuminates how to help others in crisis, develop compassion for ourselves, raise strong children, and create resilient families, communities, and workplaces. Many of these lessons can be applied to everyday struggles, allowing us to brave whatever lies ahead. Two weeks after losing her husband, Sheryl was preparing for a father-child activity. “I want Dave,” she cried. Her friend replied, “Option A is not available,” and then promised to help her make the most of Option B.

We all live some form of Option B. This book will help us all make the most of it.
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  1. Print length
    240 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Knopf
  4. Publication date
    April 24, 2017
  5. Dimensions
    5.76 x 1.08 x 9.53 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1524732680
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1524732684
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of April 2017: After the unexpected passing of her beloved husband, Facebook COO and bestselling author of Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg, feared that she and her children would never find joy again. Fortunately this fear was unfounded. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy--co-authored with psychologist and friend Adam Grant--shows you how Sandberg, and many others who have overcome a wide range of profound hardships, triumphed over tragedy. The book posits that it’s helpful to think of resilience like a muscle, one that atrophies in the calm between the storms of our lives. But there are things we can do to develop it, so we’re better prepared when adversity strikes. In America, culture can put a kink in this plan. Processing a painful event can be hindered when you’re wired not to talk about it. We all know that when someone asks how we’re doing, the expected response is “fine,” no matter if we’ve just lost a limb, or had a cancer scare. We will grin, and we will bear it, and we will go back to work too soon and burst into tears in the copy room when confronted by a malevolent stapler (or maybe that’s just me). Recently, Sandberg helped to enact a new employee benefit at Facebook: 20 days of paid bereavement leave, twice the amount that was offered previously. As she explains in Option B, it’s the humane thing to do, and it also makes good business sense; compassionate companies engender more loyal employees. In this way, Option B is more than a little revolutionary. It challenges us to change systems that don’t always take our humanness into account. And that’s something we need to do on a personal level as well. None of us are immune to misfortune and heartbreak. We need to cut ourselves some slack when times get tough, and, as Sandberg discovered, flip the golden rule: When a loved one is in distress, instead of treating them how you would want to be treated, consider how they want to be treated, which may be quite different. Option B starts an (oftentimes) uncomfortable but important conversation. If we lean in to the numerous lessons it has on offer, there’s a lot more joy to be found. --Erin Kodicek, The Amazon Book Review

Review

“A remarkable achievement: generous, honest, poignant. Option B reveals an aspect of Sandberg’s character—her impulse to be helpful. This is a book that will be quietly passed from hand to hand, and it will surely offer great comfort to its intended readers . . . The candor and simplicity with which she shared all of it is a kind of gift . . . Helpful, moving.” —Caitlin Flanagan, The New York Times 

“The overwhelming message of this book is: We’re a lot more resilient than we think we are. But there are things we can do for ourselves, and for other people who are hurting, that will really allow that resilience to bloom.” —Katie Couric

“Sandberg is wise and honest and funny and practical in ways that are likely to stay with the reader. Her deeply personal book is more than memoir; interspersed with devastating scenes are equally powerful strategies for coping when your world has gone tilt.” —Tracy Grant, The Washington Post 

“I recommend this inspiring book to everyone around the world. None of us can escape sadness, loss, or life’s disappointments, so the best option is to find our Option B.” —Malala Yousafzai, Nobel Peace Prize winner
 
“Option B is as hopeful as it is heartbreaking. Here are stories of sometimes unimaginable pain and loss, but also of how human beings nonetheless have the capacity to endure and even thrive. This book is not just an absorbing read. It also provides lessons that everyone needs to learn.” —Atul Gawande, author of Being Mortal

“Sheryl writes about her own heartbreaking experience with a rare honesty. Then she and Adam translate her personal story into a powerful, practical guide for anyone trying to build resilience in their own lives, communities, and companies. It’s hard enough to resonate with readers. It’s even harder to help them take concrete steps toward a better future. Option B does both.” —Bill and Melinda Gates, co-chairs of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

“Thoughtful, insightful, and compelling. Both individually and collectively, we all need to understand the power of rehabilitation, recovery, and redemption if we are to overcome adversity. This incredible book doesn’t avoid the loss and tragedy we all sometimes encounter, but it is animated by a resolve that is both inspiring and instructive.” —Bryan Stevenson, author of Just Mercy and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative 
 
“Illuminating, original, and deeply inspiring, Option B is one part riveting memoir, one part heal-your-heart boot camp, one part stories of others who learned to thrive in the face of profound loss: a practical, vital contribution to the literature on loss and resilience.” —Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild
 
“Like her debut volume, Sandberg’s Option B is an optimistic book, even if one riven with sorrow. She argues that after adversity and loss, there is an opportunity for ‘post-traumatic growth.’ Thus the book is in part a moving memoir.” —Rebecca Mead, The New Yorker
 
“Sandberg’s new book is tough, full of the raw, painful emotions . . . Option B [has] advice for people who are grieving. But it’s also a book for nearly everyone—people who may not know what to say or do in the wake of a tragedy. It’s also a deeply optimistic book, framed around the question, what’s next?” —Rebecca J. Rosen, The Atlantic
 
“Intimate, personal . . . Within Option B there are lessons for leaders who want to make organizations more resilient, help employees recover from a loss—or crisis—and create workplaces that are more prepared to deal with failure.” —Jena McGregor, The Los Angeles Times
 
“Admirably honest, optimistic . . . Sandberg shares a great deal of herself and what she has learned. At its core the book helps those who have been felled by despair: a guide both for those who have directly suffered loss and for those who are close to people who have.” —The Economist
 
“Though it was inspired by a deeply personal tragedy, Option B details Sandberg’s experience and the topic of resilience more broadly, and is filled with insight that is useful for anyone overcoming loss or failure.” —Brad Stulberg, New York Magazine “Science of Us”

“Being among the most powerful women in the world didn’t spare Sheryl Sandberg from the sudden death of her husband, not quite two years ago. Option B is at its best when pinpointing specific tips for coping with overwhelming grief. Sandberg writes how she created new rituals, such as taking a moment at dinner each evening to express gratitude for something positive that day, and declaring ‘small wins.’ Day by day, the book says, these small victories can become building blocks to a return to emotional equanimity.” —Diane Cole, The Wall Street Journal

“Option B tackles a universal subject, and offers up a path to happiness based not on fantasies of immortality but on the reality of the sorrow of life itself . . . The book is also a practical guide for handling grief and adversity. With her coauthor Grant, Sandberg lays out anecdotes and research on perseverance and resilience . . . Finding growth and ultimately joy is the project of Option B. Sandberg makes a point of emphasizing this aspect.” —Emily Peck, The Huffington Post

“Part memoir and part operating manual for surviving the hardest moments in our lives, Option B has essential wisdom . . . This book has the power to help heal. What's doubly impressive about Sandberg’s decision to write it: she must have known it required opening herself up to feedback that far exceeds the usual literary criticism.” —Rebecca Ruiz, Mashable

“Option B chronicles Sandberg’s devastating loss, her grief and how she emerged from it with a new perspective on life. The most affecting parts of the book recount not just Sandberg's grief, but that of her children . . . ‘Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive or permanent, but resilience can be,’ she writes. ‘We can build it and carry it with us throughout our lives.’” —Associated Press

“Sandberg is helping people find resilience and meaning in the face of adversity. She says there isn’t one way to grieve, but she’s learned that processing your feelings and not blaming yourself is an important part of recovery. . . Facing adversity, Sandberg says, is a part of daily life from childhood to adulthood.” —Queenie Wong, The Mercury News

“Moving . . . A memoir of the loss of a husband and finding a path forward beyond the grieving process. Writing with Grant, a highly rated professor at Wharton, Sandberg explores how to weather the storm of grief, applying concrete skills—in addition to more complex theories of psychology about how to find meaning in life-changing circumstances. A book that provides illuminating ways to make headway through the days when there doesn’t seem to be a way forward.” —Kirkus

“Helpful and hopeful Sandberg draws on her own pain around the sudden death of her husband, and shares what she has learned about resilience with a tone that is raw and candid. Those suffering as well as those seeking to provide comfort should find both solace and wisdom” —Publishers Weekly

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Knopf; Illustrated edition (April 24, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1524732680
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1524732684
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.76 x 1.08 x 9.53 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 7,868 ratings

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  1. Sheryl Sandberg

    Sheryl Sandberg

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    Sheryl Sandberg is chief operating officer at Facebook, overseeing the firm's business operations. Prior to Facebook, Sheryl was vice president of Global Online Sales and Operations at Google, chief of staff for the United States Treasury Department under President Clinton, a management consultant with McKinsey & Company, and an economist with the World Bank.

    Sheryl received a BA summa cum laude from Harvard University and an MBA with highest distinction from Harvard Business School.

    Sheryl is the co-author of Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy with Wharton professor and bestselling author Adam Grant, which will be released April 24, 2017. She is also the author of the bestsellers Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead and Lean In for Graduates. She is the founder of the Sheryl Sandberg & Dave Goldberg Family Foundation, a nonprofit organization that works to build a more equal and resilient world through two key initiatives, LeanIn.Org and OptionB.Org (launching April 2017). Sheryl serves on the boards of Facebook, the Walt Disney Company, Women for Women International, ONE, and SurveyMonkey.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Adam Grant

    Adam Grant

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    ADAM GRANT is an organizational psychologist at Wharton, where he has been the top-rated professor for seven straight years. A #1 New York Times bestselling author and one of TED’s most popular speakers, his books have sold millions of copies and been translated into 45 languages, his talks have been viewed over 35 million times, and his podcasts Re:Thinking and WorkLife have been downloaded over 65 million times. His pioneering research has inspired people to rethink fundamental assumptions about motivation, generosity, creativity, and potential. Adam has been recognized as one of the world’s 10 most influential management thinkers and Fortune’s 40 under 40, and has received distinguished scientific achievement awards from the American Psychological Association, the Academy of Management, and the National Science Foundation. His viral piece on languishing was the most-read New York Times article of 2021 and the most-saved article across platforms. He received his BA from Harvard and his PhD from the University of Michigan, and he is a former junior Olympic springboard diver and magician. He lives in Philadelphia with his wife Allison and their three children.

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
7,868 global ratings
“Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship”
5 Stars
“Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship”
“Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship”Once in a while there comes a book which kind of shakes you up. This is what this book has done to me. This is a brave confession by Sheryl Sandberg on how her & her kids life changed when she unexpectedly lost her husband while on a vacation & how she has learned to cope with that grief .... I cannot stop myself from using the adjective “brave” for Sheryl, considering how she has laid herself out there in this book so that others in similar situation can learn from her & yet others can learn to appreciate the people who are still in their lives, who we end up taking for granted .... there is one very beautiful line that Sheryl has written in this book which will stay with me forever, she says, “Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship” .... for the sake of her two wonderful kids & her own self, Sheryl has learned to cope with her grief .... #OptionB
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Top reviews from the United States

Lola Close
5.0 out of 5 stars Masterpiece - yes, masterpiece is, for me, the only word for this book
Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2017
Verified Purchase
Option B is one of THE most absorbing books I’ve ever read.

1. Option B is so  well written, absorbing and warm, it could make anyone grieving feel less lonely – I know it did me. I have one child who has very significant special needs, and both my parents died expectantly many years ago. I miss them every single day. I’ve never read anything like Option B that has helped me acknowledge these challenges. I’m amazed by how a book could validate my feelings of loss – for what might have been – while also encouraging me to consider what is possible.

Option B is  a beautiful, persuasive call to action, honoring our sadness without allowing those feelings to overwhelm us. In the immediate hours after finishing Option B, I began to think it was possible not just to resist feelings of despair but how to become stronger.

You can’t manufacture hope. You can’t dictate emotion. You just have to feel it, and I urge anyone who is staggered by grieving to read Option B as soon as you can.

2. Option B teaches us about resilience. I thought I understood resilience, but I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought. Perseverance, I learned, is not simply a random trait, but it can be discovered and nurtured. That’s a powerful thought, and a reminder that this book has so much density of goodness.

3. The theory of Option B is fascinating – as I understand it, that is Grant’s domain, the research.

In addition to teaching us about what resilience really is, Option B contends that everyone actually can become more resilient. Looking through all the endnotes (175 of them), I am grateful that Grant sorted through this research (much of it is his or his colleagues) and that he and Sandberg wove it into the narrative. I want to read many of the sources in the endnotes, learn more, and continue on this journey. Oh my God – who can make readers want to read endnotes! These brilliant thinkers and doers can.

4. Option B is also a stunning parenting book and a wonderful way to look in the mirror. While I thought this was going to be a book about grief, it was far more.  I felt so much relief reading such practical advice about children and grief and children and loss and children and doing what will help children grow rather than just what will make me feel better as a parent.

5. Option B really teaches SO much important stuff in such a kind way. For example, I’m one of those many parents who thought they understood Carol Dweck’s “mindset” work. I now get that I’m just at the start of this. And Sandberg and Grant help us without making us feel stupid or inadequate as some other parenting books do (though not by design of course).

So many people like me will be able to become better parents and workers and friends from Option B. It’s like the authors both have modeled all this amazing stuff for the world through this remarkable page-turner – by telling us Sheryl’s story. How incredible the degree to which Option B just helped me identify changeable stuff in the last two hours. I’m hopeful about changing my behavior now that I see what can come of it, especially for my children, and the rest of my family.

Thank you to the authors for opening this remarkable window into resilience and for providing so much research about it. I was so moved that Sandberg could be so brave and share so much about her husband Dave’s death in the name of teaching others.

Reading Option B (and I’ve been reading it nonstop since I got it) makes me understand how I can be a better person. Thank you to the authors for making this possible and for writing this absolutely arresting book. It's a tour de force - get it as soon as you can! And get it for someone who you think is grieving, either in the traditional sense, or maybe very non-traditional sense.
27 people found this helpful
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Rosalind
4.0 out of 5 stars Good to Help with Grief
Reviewed in the United States on September 10, 2023
Verified Purchase
It explained the different stages of grief & gave hints on how to work through these periods.
One person found this helpful
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Theresa
5.0 out of 5 stars Thanks for the insightful book
Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2024
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I lost my husband a year ago . This book has opened my eyes and given me hope . I am grateful knowing that others feel the same as I do.
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carilynp
5.0 out of 5 stars AND FINDING JOY, you could say that I felt connected to ...
Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2017
Verified Purchase
Given that I highlighted a passage in almost every other chapter in Sheryl Sandberg’s OPTION B: FACING ADVERSITY, BUILDING RESILIENCE, AND FINDING JOY, you could say that I felt connected to her and pretty much everything that she had to say. While I haven’t lost a spouse and certainly my life was not upended like hers was, I unfortunately know grief, and it has impacted me in ways that I didn’t see coming and had a hard time coping with it. There are two major points in the book that Sandberg addressed that I felt especially comforted by. By comfort, I mean validated. But first, I want to say to those who might think that you have to be suffering from the grief of losing a spouse to want to read this book or to gain any insight from it, it’s not the case. Not only is this book not exclusive to this particular group or to those grieving or those having grieved in the past for anyone, whether a parent, sibling, or close friend, it is for anyone who has suffered a tragedy such as a trauma, disease, divorce, or other life change that has altered their existence. Together with a friend, who is a psychologist, Adam Grant, who helped Sandberg after her husband died, they co-wrote about feelings that you experience, how to ask for what you need from family and friends, how to resume life as you know it in a new world as life as it is now, along with sharing numerous cases of those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, as well as those who have endured terrible tragedies of other kinds.

Sandberg, naturally writes about how challenging it was just to come to terms with the sudden loss of her husband and how she was going to explain the news to her young children. How they were going to get through the funeral, how would she, this strong woman who wrote about co-parenting and working in this modern world, do the same as a single parent, how she would face her colleagues at work, when was the right time to go back to work. So many unknowns. Her new world was so unfamiliar. The things that struck me were her feelings about how isolated she felt. She has a big extended family, including her husband’s. Many friends. Many work friends. Yet, she felt alone. People were scared to talk to her. Or if they asked how she was doing, they didn’t want to hear that she was not ok. It was ‘depressing.’ Asking how are you doing, is not really inquiring about the person on a personal level. You know they are not ok. Try to phrase it to the here and now. How did you get through today? Many people offer to do something but not many just do it. When you lose a loved one, she writes, and this is so true, don’t say “What can I do for you?” Just do something. Leave food for the person’s family so they don’t have to think about cooking, send some beautiful flowers, bring an uplifting book, take their kids out if they are up for it, so that your friend can rest, anything even taking on the most mundane task, just something that shows you care, that they didn’t have to ask for. Sandberg talks about a friend of a friend who lost a loved one and a friend showed up every day in the lobby of his building and asked what he didn’t want on his burger. He wasn’t imposing, wasn’t asking to see his friend, just let him know that he was bringing him lunch.

In the past, before I experienced grief first-hand, I am sure that I was guilty of asking the too general “how are you?” and “what can I do for you?” without ill intentions, but because I didn’t know what to do. Sandberg is well aware that most people do not act to hurt you. As she says, “they’re not piling it on,” but that is how it feels. I do know that when I did offer simple acts of kindness, it went a long way, and vice versa. I can remember a time when a dear friend’s father passed away and friends and family gathered at their house. I asked what her father’s favorite dessert was. Blueberry pie. I promptly baked one and brought it over. Her mother told me numerous times over the years how comforting that was to her. The same has been done for me after losing my mother. A friend knew that there was a cookie recipe in my mom’s cookbook that was a cookie ‘made with love’ and she sent home a batch in my son’s backpack the week after her funeral. I was so touched and comforted at the same time. I will never forget that gesture of kindness. Another friend, would send me a note every week, just to tell me that she was thinking of me. Having endured much heartache, herself, she knew that once the period of Shiva is over, people don’t often check on you. She continued to check on me and this made me feel not only loved but as if she were hugging me. The day after my father died, I received a text from a good friend, who lives in the city where I do, and offered to come to Chicago, where my father lived. I will never forget how deeply this touched me. To know that a friend would do this for me, without my asking. Just as two of my closest, oldest friends did exactly that, flew across the country to be by my side when my mother passed away, will forever be fixed in my memory and in how I managed the initial shock. This is one way in which we are able to ‘build resilience’.

Sandberg shares many of her own stories about how she ‘faced adversity,’ what people have done for her, such as her mother staying at her house for a month, and when she couldn’t be there, her sister-in-law took over. How her boss, yes, Jeff Zuckerberg, and his wife, invited her family to spend time with them on vacation so that they could just get away. When it was time to clean out her husband Dave’s closet, his own mother came to help her.

If you or a friend is in need of a relatable book that can show you that you are not alone, that does not tell you what to do but shows you what others have experienced, and that while some pain never goes away, healing can come.
 
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I have found dealing with grief.
Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2024
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I have read this book twice. I have given this book away dozens of times. I’ve been a pastor for 30 years and this is simply the best book I’ve ever come across dealing with grief.
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Marion
5.0 out of 5 stars Nunca hay un plan perfecto
Reviewed in Spain on January 4, 2024
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No siempre es fácil tener un plan B, por sobre todo cuando te ves obligada a ello.
Option B, me toco en lo más fondo, porque cuando se pierde a un ser querido, es difícil crear uno, es necesario sacar el as de la manga.
Y el mejor as es empezar a reconstruirnos, rodearnos del amor de nuestro entorno y honrar nuestra propia historia y de allí crear algo nuevo.
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NS
5.0 out of 5 stars Top book
Reviewed in Germany on December 20, 2023
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Can't live without one in my book corner.
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JC
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book for though times
Reviewed in Brazil on October 10, 2020
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Life sometimes can be hard and cruel and this book gives us hope and help to go through those tricky moments in life when you think it can’t get any worse. Words of wisdom!
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Subbu
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring, motivating, must read for everyone
Reviewed in India on February 2, 2021
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Extremely wonderful book. Easy to understand for the common people even without psychology background.
1. Presentation style is extremely good;. Inspiring for people to go ahead with their respective lives with all sort of adversity in all stages of life and development. I have informed, inspired few of my friends to read this book, gave them my copy of the book to read, made them to visit the OptionB website, etc,.
2. The challenges I find is the support system/groups for any sort of problem in any area is most easily available in United States, whereas in other developing countries like India, finding such support groups/system is a challenging task. We can see this itself as a challenge and must be willing to create support groups/systems in this situation for different specialties (Option B). It will be good if this book gets translated into many local languages to reach out to non-English speaking audiences in India and other countries. Highly recommend this book for anyone. No second thoughts about buying this book. WORTH IT...
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Lau
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye Opening
Reviewed in Mexico on October 26, 2019
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Sometimes it takes an army of friends and family to go through heart broken experiences ... Sometimes it takes a Sheryl to help open your eyes and see new beginnings , learn how to build resilience , grow stronger and remember how to laugh and be happy again. I loved how touching this book is to the point that I wish I didn't start reading it in an airplane as my tears were just pouring out of me and then soon after that I would be giggling lol . Everyone that contributed to this book, thank you for sharing your experiences because you are a role model to all of us who are trying to cope with adversity. Whatever you are , God bless you . And for those struggling, hang in there , this too shall pass. Remember how to live and see the beauty around us.
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